I’m a procrastinator and a planner. Which basically means that I procrastinate by planning and I plan for my procrastination. Both are inevitable. My preferred method of procrastination is cooking. Why? Because cooking casts the illusion of productivity.
Sure, we all need to eat. One of the many jobs in parenting is to be a full-time child nutritionist. Of course, everything that I make has to be balanced and full of healthy vitamins and minerals, just what growing Dinosaurs need. Don’t forget to add a dash of love to round out the time-suck that is procrastination cooking. We all know that cooking with love means cooking from scratch. Logically, I know that I do not need to be making elaborate meals when I am on a deadline. In practice, logic gets chucked in the bucket.
Like today, I was supposed to be writing a blog post to accompany this comic. It was going to be about making special healing soup to help aid in my husband’s recovery from his cold while I should have been working on my novel. It could have been any of my projects, really, but the novel is the project that keeps nagging at me. Rather than start the blog post, I began to make breakfast instead. But did I simply make breakfast to fuel myself for the next task at hand? Nope. I decided to make Procrastination Omelet Stuffing.
Procrastination Omelet Stuffing of Doom.
What’s Procrastination Omelet Stuffing, you ask? It’s one orange bell pepper of time, ticking away, one package of sliced mushrooms ready to absorb the fibs I tell myself, four small peeled shallots, halved with half-truths of this so-called “constructive” activity, and a ripe red tomato, diced and bleeding out juice on the cutting board.
I shoved the bell pepper, mushrooms, and shallots into my Ninja to be more efficient; however, overfilling my food processor resulted in half puréed and half whole vegetables. I tipped the container out on the cutting board and roughly chopped the rest, warmed by the shame of wasting valuable procrastination time.
Blushing tomatoes … they know the truth!
I can’t be alone in this. There has to be someone else out there who uses practical activities as distractions from the work that is supposed to be happening. Does anyone else scrub the tub when they should be planning a painting? Who out there also vacuums when they’re supposed to edit their manuscript? Maybe someone else runs errands when they had meant to spend their day updating their website?
Omelet filling of LIES portioned perfectly with a whole serving of nutritious vegetables in every freezer bag.
I know this is how I do things. I’ve begun to plan for the pangs of anxiety with every self-imposed deadline. As much as I try to break myself of this habit, I keep getting sucked in. Life has a way of sneaking tiny excuses past my BS barrier, encouraging me to put things off until later, and as I get older, it becomes more and more difficult to shoo those excuses away. I need to find some magical armor. Something that will give me the strength and energy to do today what I put off until tomorrow.
Procrastination Omelet, beautifully turned out and topped with merlot salt, chiffonade basil, and fresh cracked black pepper because I’m fancy.
My nirvana is a reality unobtainable. My nirvana is everything around me being done. Achievement unlocked. Finished. All tasks completed and all loose ends tied up with a pretty ribbon.
(And Nirvana is also my nirvana. Because duh.)
Hi, I’m Kali. I’m a procrastiplanner. And I know that I can’t be the only one.
Best served cold … I procrastinated eating it to start writing this blog post.
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