Things I Never Thought I Would Say Until I Was a (Geeky) Parent

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Image: Lisa Kay Tate
Image: Lisa Kay Tate

A few years ago, we were on an extended family vacation at Disneyland Park, when we watched my father coming out of the men’s room shaking his head and laughing to himself.

He said he heard a father and young son in the stall next to him. The dad calmly was pleading with the boy:  “No, son, give it here. No! Hand it to me. No! Don’t set it there. No, give it…awww you dropped it in the toilet.”

Although we will never know what “it” was, the absurdity and humor of this situation was something we could all relate to. That poor father’s plight not only had our sympathy, this anonymous commentary still continues to generate laughter in our home.

I was remembering this recently, and thought about how there are certain comments, phrases, unanswered questions, and deep discussions only parents can understand.  In a way it gives parents of all backgrounds a common bond. This relationship extends even deeper to the more exclusive, but ever-growing group, of the openly geeky.

As a part of this later group, here are a few of the pet phrases I never thought I would hear myself say out loud:

 First, there’s the random use of geeky nomenclature and phrases:

• “Quit pulling Sirius Black’s ears. It hurts him.”
Sirius Black is our dog.

• “Don’t touch anything with those sticky hands on the way to the bathroom. Zombie walk.”

• “If I step on Wolverine one more time I am throwing him away!”

• “Quit kissing Yoda on the mouth.”

• “No, it’s pronounced ‘Mee-OL-Neer.'”

• “No, it’s pronounced ‘Mix-yez-piddle-ick.’ What’s so funny?”

•  “I enjoyed the movie, but the book/comic was so much better.”
My poor kids–and husband and friends– have heard me utter that one too much.

• “Really, you don’t want to start with Episode I. Let mommy show you the ‘Machete Order.'”

Sometimes, the geeky table talk overheard by the youngest ones, can filter into the classroom…unfortunately.

• (To teacher) “No, we won’t let our daughter watch The Walking Dead.”
—  “Yes, she knows who Daryl is, because she’s heard us talking and his picture is all over magazines.”
—  “No, we don’t let her read zombie magazines. She’s just very perceptive.”
—  “She can also tell you what a Free Market System is, too. Does she ever discuss that, we’re very proud….No, just zombies. Thank you for the concern.”

There’s our out-of-whack holidays:

• “Yes, that’s a great Halloween costume idea, but it’s February”

• “Please don’t cry, Jack Skellington is still alive and will save Santa Claus.”

• “Yes, she is brave and strong, but Slave Leia isn’t an appropriate look for your age.”

• “Please quit harassing the zombie.”
You would think this was said around Halloween. It wasn’t.

• “You’re not asking Santa for a real crossbow.  How about a long bow?”
She now has one… Gee, thanks Santa.

• “I don’t care if he said he was there, let’s leave the TARDIS out of the Nativity set…this year.”

 And, this brings us to the constant stream of timey wimey comments….

• “Honey, that’s not a TARDIS, it’s a Porta-Potty, and I really don’t want to know if that is bigger on the inside.”

• “Quit telling your sister not to blink. It makes her eyes water”

• “We don’t chew on Daleks. They are fragile.”

• “If mine is big and goofy, yours is skinny and spazzy.”
This is just one of the comments from the ongoing mother/daughter Nine vs. Ten debate, all in good fun. We love them both.

Finally, here’s an expression I can’t imagine ever in my life uttering. I’m not sure if it is really geeky, but it is certainly EPIC.

• “Do not pick your nose with the narwhal.”

I know I’m not the only mom with her collection of geek-worthy comments, and I welcome one who wants to share their own classic to this list. We promise we won’t laugh…too much.

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15 thoughts on “Things I Never Thought I Would Say Until I Was a (Geeky) Parent

  1. I once had to comfort my 4-year-old son because we were visiting his doctor at the clinic, not in Sick Bay.

    Also, “I have taken Iron Man away from the dog 4 times today, and he still got chewed up.”

    And, “Jedi do not use the force to steal things from their brother.”

  2. We have a 3 1/2 year old budding geek. Probably the most common phrase in our house is, “Kiddo, those are Daddy’s Legos, please don’t play with those.”
    Other runner ups: “Do I need to call Captain Jack to tell the Doctor you aren’t picking up your toys?” (We had met John Barrowman earlier that day, and she told him he was a friend of the Doctor, he told her yes, and he would tell the Doctor hello for her.)
    “Did Daddy say you could play with the trebuchet?”
    “The face hugger needs to stay on the lamp, please don’t pull it.”
    “I can try to make a pink Batman TARDIS for Halloween, but it might be better if you just picked one idea.”
    “No matter how many times you ask, I don’t know the Doctor’s name. He’s just the Doctor.”

    1. Awesome! I heard Barrowman is great with his fans.
      …and I’ve had to say that final comment, too. Not just to kids.

    2. Here are my top five, one for each kid.

      To TJ: I am sorry Batman! I forgot to wash the cape!
      To BB: No baby, you can’t put REAL spiders on your Spider Girl costume because they would be very unhappy.
      To Eli: Baby, you cant draw blood on him…just because Iron Man lost to the Hulk this time does not mean he is dead.
      To Jo: No you can’t have three lightsabers when you become a Jedi just because Zoro does in One Piece. You would hurt yourself.
      To Ki: Look, I really don’t think the Doctor needs another smartass companion. You might want to rethink your plans for adulthood.

    3. Oh so many. Dinner conversations have included how to take down the Juggernaut and how to kill Wolverine if it’s possible. “No that’s Mommy’s sonic screwdriver.” “Don’t sonic your penis.” “No you can’t watch the Star Wars prequels until you know how to hate Jar Jar Binks.” “No that’s Mommy’s Thor.” … “Seriously don’t do that to Thor. That just looks wrong.” “Yes it IS amusing to make Tigra ride Princess Celestia.” “That’s NOT how you shoot a bow and arrow.” “No attack the person with the sword, not just the sword.” “You cannot play with Mommy’s Panthro.” “Those are Mommy’s ponies.” “You broke Mommy’s Bumblebee!”

      Okay I’m out Of them for now.

  3. “Love, you are beginning to damage Mama’s calm.”
    “Your sister isn’t rubbish, quit saying that to her! Apples are rubbish! Sisters are awesome!”
    “You’re right, quantum entanglement does mean it’s all wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey.” (No joke, I was explaining it to my tween, and she cracked the joke).

  4. “Why don’t you be Spiderman’s body and your brother can be his head? ” – How to share one Spiderman costume between two boys.

    “If you keep pushing Batman’s buttons he’s going to break.”

    “No honey that’s mummy’s and it’s not a toy. Well it is a toy. But it’s mummy’s toy. No, it’s made out of a material you will break. No it’s mummy’s toy.” I have lots of my own Disney stuff.

    ” Can we just leave C-3POs head on C-3POs body? He doesn’t want to be a Spongebob lego, or a gangsta lego, he just wants to be C-#PO”

    I may have to use Zombie walk to the bathroom.

  5. “Stop trying to eat your little brother’s brains. It’s scaring him.”

    “Enough zombie walking.”

    “No you can’t have brains for breakfast.”

    (My daughter is zombie obsessed)

    I correct their spell casting too, they should be saying it right and using the appropriate spell. I’m not the only one who thinks that right?

  6. ‘Zombie Serenity (the daughter), stop trying to eat Mycroft’s (the cat) brains please’

    ‘Yes, Leia (our white and caramel-hooded rat) is wearing her Hoth outfit’

    and

    ‘Mummy, Mummy, Mycroft just ate Ripley!’. RIP Ripley-Mouse.

  7. Some classics to my teenage son:
    While prepping for SDCC – “We are wig shopping today!”
    “You follow Voldemort and Darth Vader? No wonder you were put in Slytherin.”
    “Bring me a screwdriver. AND IT BETTER NOT BE SONIC THIS TIME.”

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