This is my eleventh year with a child starting school, and things have changed a lot since that first year. I still take the morning off work to see them onto the bus, and we still have an early night the night before school starts. I still take the first-day pictures. But I no longer fuss and fret over who has the right school supplies. I no longer worry about the perfect morning picture, as long as I get one. Some of the relaxed self-imposed rules can only come with time, but here are a few of the things that save my mind each year after 11 years in the business.
1. The Backpack
With a sophomore in the house, I’ve had a kid in school for over a decade. Yet my sophomore is only on his second backpack. We made the decision in kindergarten to buy a good quality backpack once and not to buy a new one each year to the whims of their interests. We upgraded to a larger size in middle school but stuck with quality over quantity. Not only has this saved us money, but it has also saved the time and energy that goes into making this decision each year. We went with LL Bean, but there are several durable brands that will work.
2. The Lunches
This was an easy decision to make for us, as Maine has offered free hot lunches to all students since the pandemic. We don’t give the kids a choice; they get a hot lunch each day, and I don’t have to worry about what to pack. Pre-pandemic we did a mixture of both, and even with a plan, it took up a lot of time and mental energy. However, we do have backups for days when they don’t like the menu, and keep a regular stock of things that we can throw into a lunch bag: fruit cups, packs of veggies, and pretzels. We find what they like portion it out, and have it ready just in case. I don’t worry too much about those days, treating them more like a picnic treat than the source of all their nutrition.
3. Appointments
With three kids, appointments can get out of hand. So we schedule them in clusters. All three go to the dentist at the same time, and those with close birthdays go to the doctor at the same time. Anyone in need of glasses goes to the same place at the same time. This cuts down on time away from school and work and removes a lot of the decision-making from the whens and wheres. Bonus points if I can schedule them on the same day as an early release.
4. Nothing Unnecessarily New
This rule applies to a lot of things, but especially to shoes. We don’t buy them just because it’s time to go back to school. You have to really guard yourself against all the advertising at this time of year, but if the shoes still fit, then they don’t need new ones. If the pencils still write, they don’t need new ones. My teenager is fussy and has now transitioned into stealing his dad’s clothes and shoes. My middle schooler got new shoes when we went hiking in July, as did my third-grader. Just because it’s a new school year, doesn’t mean the old things have worn out. It’s hard to resist the siren song of the back-to-school aisle, but most of the time I find we don’t need more than a handful of things. Not having to run to Target ten times before school starts is liberating. Take an inventory at the end of each year. You will be surprised at what will carry over. If they come to me with needs in the first few days of school, we go shopping then and I don’t berate myself for not sending those things on day one. They survived.
5. Breakfast
Now that we are in the middle and high school years, breakfast is hard. The bus comes earlier, the kids are less awake in the morning, and none of them like the breakfast sandwiches at school. We do go through seasons with this, but I find that if I decide for them it makes things a whole lot easier. I ask myself, not what they want for breakfast, but what do I have the capacity for this morning? If I am having a good morning with extra margins, I will absolutely make the moon over Miami. If we are all strung out and running late, then I will tell them to get their own cereal or Pop-Tarts. A good breakfast may be the foundation of a day, but I will not lambast myself when I have to skip the good part of that every so often. Food in bellies is the goal here, and I will load them up with potatoes and vegetables at dinner time. I keep a mental list of what I have the capacity for, and those are my go-to breakfast options.
A lot of my approaches for making back to school easier come from years of listening to two wonderful podcasters, Kendra Adachi at The Lazy Genius and Emily P Freeman at The Next Right Thing. But at the end of the day, what works for my family may not work for yours. The main takeaway I have after 11 years of back-to-school days is this: don’t judge your day by anyone else’s. Ignore your Instagram feed for a few days, unfollow any toxic accounts that may have crept in, and don’t look at your kids’ friends’ families as a barometer of your own success. My back-to-school day looks different than most people I know, but with three happy healthy kids who are excited for school each year, I’m going to take the win and eat the Pop-Tart.
