11 Geeky Yoga Pose Names to Distract You During Class

Yoga is the big thing I do for myself.

When I haven’t been doing it for awhile, this is a strange thing to contemplate — that getting up twice a week before the sun is even over the horizon to spend an hour and 15 minutes contorting a body that is not flexible into weird poses is my particular form of self-care — but it’s true.

After a few dawn sessions at the local studio, I start to feel the effects of the yoga on my body, but mostly on my mind. I become more patient with my family and clients, my anxiety decreases, and I start sleeping like a normal person.

But for my first couple sessions back after a long hiatus (like the holidays), I am definitely not calm. I am an anxiety-ridden wreck: Will I get up on time? What if I’m late? What if I fall down? Do I look fat in these yoga pants? Am I breathing wrong? Who smells like hangover in here? Oh god, I haven’t showered, is it me? What if preschool calls while I am in here and my phone is out there? Is that snapping noise my hamstring?

All of this is to say, despite the instructors’ telling us to clear our minds, my mind is definitely not clear when I first head back to yoga. It wanders, and it seldom goes anyplace good.

So to keep myself occupied during yoga, I’ve started renaming yoga poses. It helps. For one thing, it’s at least yoga-focused mind-wandering. For another thing, it’s just emotionally easier for me to be defeated by a pose when it’s called Crashing Enterprise rather than Side Pigeon.

(I am not a yoga teacher, and these do not constitute a practice, a flow, or any other workout. These are just my new, improved, geeky pose names.)

The Lonely Mountain

Jedi

Jedi Master

Exorcist Pose

The Eye of Sauron

Wonder Twin Powers Activate

River Can Kill You With Her Brain Pose

X-Wing Pose

Crashing Enterprise

I Volunteer as Tribute

Tesseract

Got any idea for geeky yoga pose names of your own? Leave them in the comments.