9 Reasons Why the Indians Should Become the Cleveland Rocks

It would be nice if the Cleveland MLB team could keep the Indians name and just come up with a new logo (no, not a letter, no matter what font). It’d be nice to get rid of the caricature red face that ought to represent our embarrassment at flaunting our racism on the national stage. But what if, instead, we changed the name?

It’s got to be something that represents the best of Cleveland—our history, our work-ethic, our strength of character, our creativity, our worth. And so, without further ado, I present to you:

9 Reasons We Should Change Our Names to the Cleveland Rocks:

1. John D. Rockefeller
In 1873, John D. Rockefeller founded what eventually became Standard Oil, bringing work and prosperity to the city of Cleveland. Buildings that once made up his vast estate can still be found in Cleveland Heights, just east of downtown.

2. Cleveland Stone Company
The Cleveland Stone Company was founded in 1883, spurring the mining of sandstone along the Rocky River on Cleveland’s west side. The stones mined were used to construct many buildings downtown, and bring to mind the beauty and industry that helped rebuild Baldwin Wallace College and provide work for hard-working locals.

3. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
The iconic guitars that line the city, the concerts, the great lake-front museum location…what’s not to love?

4. We’ve already got a theme song.

5. People could dress up as the Flintstones, eat Cocoa Pebbles for breakfast on game day (no, that has nothing to do with Cleveland, but Cocoa Pebbles).

6. The Rolling Stones could sing the National Anthem. Or, frankly, any other rock musician.

7. Instead of (or along with) cotton candy, they could sell rock candy.

8. Okay, frankly, I just want to hear Yankees announcers say “Cleveland Rocks.”

9. And, of course, the diamond. Think of the word play that can be made talking about the Rocks, who are absolute gems on the baseball diamond.

Think about it. We already know that Cleveland Rocks. Let the world join in the proclamation.