Potty Weekend: Because An App Can’t Do This…

I’m scared, no… terrified. There it is on the horizon. Looming in the not so distant future. If humans can build a rocket to take astronauts to the moon why can’t they build something to make this process painless. Potty training….. there I said the two words that every parent fears.

I have a little boy who is almost three years old and, honestly, I’ve tried to pretend that he would wake up one morning and in a confident voice tell me “Mother Dear, I do not require diapers anymore, thank you for your years of service.” Yeah, I know I’m delusional but it could happen… right?

We bought a couple potty chairs ages ago and they have been sitting in the bathrooms, collecting dust, waiting for their impending use. My son likes to take them apart more then he likes to sit on it to use it appropriately. We picked out underwear in a variety of designs including Lego Star Wars, Pixar movies, and Marvel Super Heros. We are learning that they aren’t actually headgear.

While reading all of the potty training books I find my mind wandering to more pleasurable thoughts like running away from killer zombies or being covered in spiders. I think I’ve reread those manuals a dozen times. However, each time I close the book in disbelief that my child will EVER be out of diapers. I have nightmares of sending my sons off to their senior proms sporting the largest possible size of Pamper’s Cruisers.

In reality I know that it will be easy when he is ready but my kid is stubborn and willful. He laughs at the status quo. He knows that the status is not quo. I ask if he has pooped his obviously dirty diaper and he looks me in the eyes and says, “um….. nope”.

Ah well, my day is coming and fast. Time to pull out the big guns… or attach an orange portal to his underpants and a blue portal to the underside of a toilet seat. If only it could be that easy. Instead the reality is that there will be SO many accidents… and SO many successes.

The reality of potty training is it is the last step of my son’s babyhood. In reality that is what I am dreading more then anything else. So… I suppose it is time to create a game plan. This weekend the GeekMom’s are going to help anyone dealing with potty training with a few experiences of their own.

For those of you yet to potty train, good luck, I’m right there with you. For those of you that have been through the gauntlet and survived, please share your experience with the rest of us.