Twelve New (and Geeky) Astrological Signs

The web is abuzz over an article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune that says the zodiac is off and we all need to change our astrological signs. According to a follow-up post on CNN’s “This Just In” blog, we really don’t need to do that, after all. But since many of us don’t give much credence to the whole astrology thing in the first place, I think this is a great opportunity to just make up some new signs. Herewith, my all-new, all-geeky zodiac chart:

• Jan. 20-Feb. 18 – Libervermis (The Bookworm). Characteristics: Knowledgeable, kind, slightly out of touch with reality
• Feb. 19-Mar. 20 – Draco (The Dragon). Characteristics: Passionate, scaly, fond of treasure
• Mar. 21-Apr. 19 – Magus (The Wizard). Characteristics: Magical, wise, may shoot fireballs
• Apr. 20-May 20 – Bellatorius (The Warrior). Characteristics: Powerful, hot-tempered, may inadvertently crush things
• May 21-Jun. 20 – Sacerdos (The Priest). Characteristics: Serene, introspective, prone to chanting
• Jun. 21-Jul. 22 – Spectaculus (The Four-Eyes). Characteristics: Intelligent, squinty, avoids full-contact sports
• Jul. 23-Aug. 22 – Ewokius (The Ewok). Characteristics: Cuddly, chirpy, may annoy others
• Aug. 23-Sep. 22 – Scientiatus (The Scientist). Characteristics: Skeptical, analytical, fond of beakers
• Sep. 23-Oct. 22 – Monstrum (The Orc). Characteristics: Angry, smelly, proficient with weapons
• Oct. 23-Nov. 21 – Ordinatio (The Organizer). Characteristics: Orderly, disciplined, fond of spreadsheets
• Nov. 22-Dec. 21 – Tribblius (The Tribble). Characteristics: Gentle, fertile, must avoid Klingons
• Dec. 22-Jan. 19 – Machinatus (The Gadgeteer). Characteristics: Quick-witted, quick thumbed, perpetually preoccupied

Ellen Henderson is a novelist and web strategist. She lives in Dallas, Texas, with her husband and son.