Revenge of the Nerd… Glasses

I tend to avoid trends on principle.

First it is typically a waste of money to own everything they put in this month’s Cosmo. Mainly because next month there will be a whole new list. Take for example those over-sized shirts and tight leggings circa 1986. There is nothing wrong with the look but I categorically refuse to wear it. The leggings thing wasn’t a good idea the first time around. I only own one pair of pointy-toed shoes and you have to pay me to wear them. (No, I’m serious, my best friend gave me twenty bucks to not wear Chucks to her wedding. I gave it back and wore the pointy-toed doohickeys, but do you see what I’m talking about?)

Second, as a geek, I’ve learned to go ahead with my own tastes. I’ve never owned an Apple anything, my jewelry tends to be stupidly bulky and obscure, and I wear holiday socks. Now this doesn’t mean that I flop around in sweats and Santa socks all the time. I have style. I’m just not too terribly trendy.

At least I didn’t used to be. And then it happened. Finally something that I’ve always done wound up pasted on TMZ, Vanity Fair, and all the other trend-setter publications.

My glasses are trendy.

Since the tender age of ten I’ve worn the bulky, black plastic framed ocular devices. I’ve had the cat-eyed variety, ones bedecked with rhinestones, glitter, metal bobbles, and the like. Now everyone owns the nerd glasses; even people who don’t actually need to wear glasses.

Scarlet Johannson sported them at an awards ceremony in her honor. Johnny Depp is a regular wearer. Google “nerd glasses” and see what happens. One particularly dark, emo-esque store even tagged it “It’s hip to be square.” I don’t want to be hip. I’ve always been square and now everyone is copying me.

There is a happy ending to this story. Well, there will be anyway. As with all trends they are in one day and tossed carelessly to the side the next. I’ll continue to sport my true nerd glasses (my glasses earned that title, thank you very much) and patiently wait for everyone else to get bored. In ten years when children are once again teased for wearing ridiculous glasses, I’ll be here, still wearing mine, offering comforting words about trends and glasses and patience.

Now where’s my lens cleaner?