The last week of 2015 was riddled with anxiety and depression. I was excited to start 2016 with the fresh start that a new year always promises us. One problem. I didn’t get a fresh start.
On New Year’s Eve 2015, I was in a very dark mental place. I held on to the fact that at midnight, much like Cinderella’s dress, my woes and pain would go away and I’d have a fresh start.
The problem with that last sentence is that this is not a fairy tale, I’m not Cinderella, and mental illness doesn’t just go *poof* when a shiny ball drops in Times Square. With that said, you can bet that the same stuff that plagued me towards the end of 2015 followed me with a vengeance into 2016.
To say the first week of 2016 was rough would be an understatement. Anxiety was around every corner, I was thrown on antibiotics for an infection, and then another antibiotic to fight off what the first one did to me as a side-effect, along with a few migraines. On top of health issues, I had to remote into my work computer to help with problems we were having because someone forgot to bribe the gremlins over the holidays. I couldn’t catch a break.
Is this how this year is going to go for me? Riddled with nothing but gremlins, medications, and anxiety?
As this first week of the new year comes to an end, I’ve decided…this isn’t how it’s going to go. Nope. Not this year.
Much to my own disappointment, I’m not a timelord (and thanks to my gender, never could be) so, I can’t turn back time.
Or can I?
In the spirit of being an adult who can do as she pleases, I hereby declare it to be New Year’s Eve 2015 and at midnight, I will be breaking out the sparkling grape juice, putting on my party hat, and singing Auld Lang Syne. This horrible first start of the new year will be erased from all but my therapist’s notes. I will be cleansed of the sucky start and will begin anew.
And you know what? If a month or so goes by and I need another fresh start, who’s to say I can’t break out the sparkling grape juice and have another New Year’s celebration?
Life is about getting from one moment to the next and if I need to throw an “imaginary” New Year’s event for a fresh start to help me achieve that well, who is to tell me I’m wrong?
When you have anxiety and depression, you take what you can get in the happy department and, after all, a few bottles of sparkling grape juice and paper party hats are far cheaper than a funeral.