Being a mom is hard, but sometimes retaining your identity as a person can be harder.
As soon as I found out I was going to have a baby, I wanted to be the best mom I could be. But I also wanted to retain who I was as a person.
I’ve been a geek all my life, and I really wanted to retain that part of me after I became a mom. I’ve managed to do so, but I never realized how hard it was going to be.
My days are now mostly focused on my toddler, and I find that I watch more cartoons than sci-fi shows (though I am currently trying to watch my way through Battlestar Galactica). Some days I struggle to remember that I’m a Mandy person and not just a Mandy Mom.
Yesterday, I got to go to a local con without my toddler and then I got to go to a going away party without my toddler, and it was awesome! It’s really something I haven’t done a long time and it reminded me that I really do need breaks away from my child.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. But it was really nice to get out of the house and not have to worry what mischief my daughter is getting into, or worrying about leaving because she’s tired.
What do you do to get a break from your kids?
I try to get away about once a month right after work, so that I’m not too late getting home in the evening. There are a couple of cozy wine bars that some girlfriends and I like to meet at for some grown-up conversation. The atmosphere of the sophisticated venue with jazzy music in the background feels like another planet from the Mario world that awaits me at home with five boys. Even just for a couple of hours, it is a welcome — and much needed — break.
I’m struggling with the whole “Identity Outside of being a parent” thing too. (I even blogged about it yesterday: http://www.techydad.com/2011/05/who-am-i/ )
I don’t have any family or friends nearby so I can’t just head out for a movie night or something. So far I’m blanking on how to meet new people. I checked meetup.com but none of the groups really seem to fit my style. Actually, at this point, I’m not even sure I know what my style is! I’ve got a lot of work to do before I can be someone other than “Just Dad”.
TechyDad – It can be really hard to find local groups and things to do.
There are lots of local groups I could join but most of their meetups are at night and during the week… my husband works nights so I’m on toddler duty most nights.
Good luck!
Last year I went to a weekend writing retreat– my daughter was just old enough to drink regular milk if necessary so I wouldn’t have to worry about nursing. It was a great intellectual stimulation –and a great vacation from having to get food for everyone else before I could eat– and when I came home I appreciated my kids even more! It was definitely a great renewal experience for me.
I think my Me life is primarily why I do what I do online. I follow blogs about things I’m interested in, and get all my Stuff-I-Like conversations in that way. Of course, this sometimes makes me jealous of non-parents who have time to do marathon reading or movie sessions, or who just run out and do things spontaneously without having to worry about babysitting or getting everyone strapped in or how it conflicts with naptime.
I don’t know any friends who live conveniently near me who would help me with this in real life, but I’m okay. I’m an introvert anyway.
I used to take yoga classes. It got me out of the house, interacting with other people, and stretching my mind and body. The meditation and relaxation portions of class forced me to spend time with Me – not the person who needed to plan tomorrow’s dinner or check on the kids’ homework assignments.