When the news broke that J. J. Abrams will be directing the next Star Wars movie, some jokes were inevitable. Here are our top nine:
- The non-geeks will have even more trouble telling the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
- It will turn out that Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes are just the next evolution of the Observers.
- So many lens flares, you can’t see the destruction of Death Star III.
- Based on his production company’s name, we have to assume C-3P0 and R2-D2 will become… well, bad.
- Star Wars Episode VII will be a personal documentary filmed by Chewbacca on Super 8.
- Star Wars Episode VIII: Darth Vader vs. The Smoke Monster
- In Episode IX, the biggest argument will not be over who shot first or which was the best of the now nine films. It will be over star Keri Russell’s hair. (That’s right, you forgot that Abrams co-created Felicity, didn’t you?)
- All the creepy things on the Island were really because it’s the original home of all the midi-chlorians.
- We’ll learn that the “J. J.” in his name is short for Jar Jar.
But let’s be honest. Jokes aside, you love Star Wars. And you probably love J. J. Abrams, a few extra lens flares and giant floating location titles aside. And you would still see this movie if it were subtitled The Love Story of Jar Jar Binks, because it’s Star Wars, and it’s not like you’re not going to see it. In fact, you’re looking forward to it just as much as I am. I’ll see you in the theater.
